Men.
I have realised that my view of men has been so distorted. I was telling my husband stories of my first experiences of men and sex. I gave him scene after scene of young gentlemen slapping their cocks out and saying "there you go luv, what are you going to do with that then?". My husband, "S" is American and he says that approach just wouldn't work there. Hmmmmm. It worked on me because I would never approach anyone I really liked. Never. I just went with anyone who gave me attention, I was so flattered someone was bothered to speak to me I'd do anything to make them love me. So most of my boyfriends were men who were sleeping around, sexually aggressive, over confident and didn't want a girl to love, just something to play with now and again. So that all added up into me believing that all men were like that, I didn't know any different. My husband said that he reckoned the only guys who'd have the guts to approach me would be arrogant pricks who didn't know I was brighter than them. He said that he wouldn't go near attractive, intelligent girls, because blokes just dodn't know how to. They think that the "chatting up in a club" scenario wouldn't work on a girl like me. They assume I'd see through it and think they were a prick. So they just hung back, stared, and had lots of uncomfortable silences when they'd be thuinking " i'm sitting next to her now, what shall I do, shall I touch her arm, oh god i don't know what to do etc..." And the great guys sit around saying "why is she with that prick?????"
And I thought that the men I liked and had crushes on, didn't like me that way becasuse they never approached me. I thought that the ones who came up to me, touched me up, grabbed my arse stc,. i thought they must really really like me, because they made an effort. When all the time, what gave them tht freedom and confidence was that they didn't give a shit about me!
Ans I realise I wasted years in ridiculous relationships, when there were so many amazing beautiful men ready and waiting right under my nose. And I remember a stream of lovely, funny, creative, witty men who I never had the courage to approach, and who didn't either. And I remember the men I did spend my 20's loving - competitive, agressive, cold, thrill seeking, shallow shells of men. (Sorry guys, I know I was just as bad in my own way!)
At least I understand men more now. And have married one of the beautiful ones who says he'd never have approached me unless we were thrown together like we were. And we spent the first three days together just staring at each other trying not to throw up. Ahh, Extreme nausea, always a sign of True love