3004blog

I made my descicion to stop drinking coffee last night. My husband told me that the snow on Kilimanjaro was melting because of coffee growing on its slopes. That snow melts every year providing water for thousands of miles. Coffee growing on the mountain has causedBut a climate change in that little ecosystem. And soon there may be no snow left at all, its too hot. So I decided to stop, not for myself because that never works, motivationally speaking, but for the snow on Kilamanjaro. And the next morning when I'd normally be drinking coffee to wake myself up. There was snow falling outside. Big flakes of fluffy white snow. Just for that first half hour of my day. Later Hubby went up and down our street handing out flyers and he told everyone about the snow, but no-one else had seen it!

Men.
I have realised that my view of men has been so distorted. I was telling my husband stories of my first experiences of men and sex. I gave him scene after scene of young gentlemen slapping their cocks out and saying "there you go luv, what are you going to do with that then?". My husband, "S" is American and he says that approach just wouldn't work there. Hmmmmm. It worked on me because I would never approach anyone I really liked. Never. I just went with anyone who gave me attention, I was so flattered someone was bothered to speak to me I'd do anything to make them love me. So most of my boyfriends were men who were sleeping around, sexually aggressive, over confident and didn't want a girl to love, just something to play with now and again. So that all added up into me believing that all men were like that, I didn't know any different. My husband said that he reckoned the only guys who'd have the guts to approach me would be arrogant pricks who didn't know I was brighter than them. He said that he wouldn't go near attractive, intelligent girls, because blokes just dodn't know how to. They think that the "chatting up in a club" scenario wouldn't work on a girl like me. They assume I'd see through it and think they were a prick. So they just hung back, stared, and had lots of uncomfortable silences when they'd be thuinking " i'm sitting next to her now, what shall I do, shall I touch her arm, oh god i don't know what to do etc..." And the great guys sit around saying "why is she with that prick?????"
And I thought that the men I liked and had crushes on, didn't like me that way becasuse they never approached me. I thought that the ones who came up to me, touched me up, grabbed my arse stc,. i thought they must really really like me, because they made an effort. When all the time, what gave them tht freedom and confidence was that they didn't give a shit about me!
Ans I realise I wasted years in ridiculous relationships, when there were so many amazing beautiful men ready and waiting right under my nose. And I remember a stream of lovely, funny, creative, witty men who I never had the courage to approach, and who didn't either. And I remember the men I did spend my 20's loving - competitive, agressive, cold, thrill seeking, shallow shells of men. (Sorry guys, I know I was just as bad in my own way!)
At least I understand men more now. And have married one of the beautiful ones who says he'd never have approached me unless we were thrown together like we were. And we spent the first three days together just staring at each other trying not to throw up. Ahh, Extreme nausea, always a sign of True love

In the Summer, I got into this train of thought...
if people win the National Lottery at random, and then spend all the money on crap like cars, and designer labels. Well, I wondered if Spirit would help me to wim, by giving me some numbers. Surely they'd want to let me have a go at winning, over someone else, coz i would promise to use the money to prosper other people. I have loads of ideas for making other people healthy, wealthy and free that could be launched with a cash injection)and I definately wouldn't spend a single penny on any product from a multi national coorporation.
Anyway, I got my numbers and my date was 26th October. I went to buy a ticket from the supermarket. There was a big queue, so I wandered around the store for a bit. I got the feeling that I should stand still for a whille. I was looking at food seeing if there was anything I wanted. I thought I was hungry. A voice from Spirit told me to feel into the hunger. I did and it melted away and I felt blissfull. The voive told me that the Light is feeding and nourishing me, it enters through the back of my neck, I can feel it and see it claivopyantly. So I got the ticket and went home feeling free and light. I didn't eat anything that day.
In the morning I woke up, did my kriya yoga, and then made a cup of coffee. I took a few gulps and then projectile vomited it all up. Just came right back up. Then I tried to drink a sweet lemon and apple juice drink, after a few gulps, the roof of my mouth was burning, I was in agony. Later, I tried to eat some raw vegan ricotta canneloni I made, I tasted it, mmmmmm wowweee! Then after two mouthfulls, my mouth was burning. I had to stop.
I felt so good all the time though - Physically,mentally, emotionally and Spiritually off the planet. I wasn't attempting to eat out of any hunger, just curiousity. Mainly because I couldn't fathom out how I could suddenly go from being someone who's life is dominated by thoughts of "what shall I eat now?" to not having any desire for food whatsoever, and feeling better every moment, in every way.
Now it's six days later. And all I have eaten in the last 6 days is a couple of bites of raw food a couple of times a day. When I've wanted to taste something. And a couple of glasses of water. And in those last six days, me and my husband have has the best sex ever! we've become much more intimately connected with each other. I have healed months of muscular tension in myself, that was taking me a long time to heal. My skin and eyes look clear and bright. My eyes have become a lighter colour than before. Also, strangely, my breasts have got biggerr. My lips have also got fuller, and my skin is like a baby's. Also I have had no mood swings, nor has a negative thought opressed me.
The clear message from Spirit about it is this: "No human needs to eat or drink. You are Spirit not flesh. God/ess nourishes you with Light. Food is for pleasure, to melt with the goodness of the Earth. You are born complete, with everything you need within you. You need seek nothing outside yourself for your survival. Your concious Union with the Divine, with Spirit , God/Ess provides the trust you need to let go of it all and be free."
I'm reading "An autobiography of a yogi" by Paramhansa Yogananda, none of the people written about in that book need to eat either. Lots of Raw people say that after a whille you only want to eat a coiple of pieces of fruit a day, because your body is in such good shape it assimilates 100% of your food. And for other reasons you can discover for yourselves if you try it!!Most people on a normal meat and dairy diet only assimilate around 2% according to research by Victoria Boutenko in "12 Steps to Raw."
I also feel more grounded than ever, since my desire to eat went. I commented to my husband today when we were walking in Liverpool, that it felt like my feel were sinking to 5 ft below the pavement!
Happy Hallowe'en!

Squid the Kitten.
Got a phone call early on Sunday morning from some friends who had a sick kitten. Sqiud is four months old and has psycho shitting and pissing epyteptic convulsions. They'd been up all night with him, he'd had 10 fits in as many hours, so they wanted help to get him to the vets.
We had to drive out of town to avoid the vet in the local PDSA. He took one look at Squid a few weeks ago, and declared that he should be put down. Another vet in another PDSA a day later, told a completely different story, wanting to try drug therapy, and was hopeful that little Squid (who only has 1/2 a tail) would be ok..
But when we got there, horror of horrors, the on duty vet was Dr Death. Hmmm, good job both me and my loud American husband were there too, to be on Squid's side.
We all went in, arms crossed over our chests, defensive as Hell! Guess what he said? "In my 12 years of veternary experience, every kitten I have seen with this complaint has been a hopeless case. I want to put him down". Yes, I thought, if every kitten you have seen with epilepsy you have decided is hopeless, and therefore killed, then you are right. Each case you have seen was hopeless, because the poor thing came to you!
I did what anY mediums/ healer would do and asked for help from Spirit for Squid, and smothered the vet with astral honey to sweeten him, as my friend, armed with her own vast knowledge, persuaded him to give Squid the drugs, instead of killing him.
We left with the pills, feeling like Squid had just got over the worst trial of his life yet! a second death sentance!
That night, I made a doll of the cat Goddess, Bast, and put lots of healing intentions into it. We drove round and dropped it through their letterbox with a note from out cat, as if it was from him! Our cat is a well known locally for his eccentric behaviour. So this would be typical behaviour.
So the good news is that Squid is fine, the drugs worked, and the nice vet thinks he'll be off them and all ok in a week!
Lucky we didn't listen to the arrogant vet who thought he had the right to call time on Squid.
Does the Vet sound like any Doctors you know????

I'm making a big "inner child" healing spell today. I found a toddler type doll in a rubbish bin out on the street. I knew she was mine because she had violet eyes. And because she'd been abahdoned - I am aware that I have something to heal in that area. When you lift her arm dreads burst out the top of her head!
I will name her Emerald Caterpillar, myself as a child. I will take care of her and love her by bathing her, makeing her comfortable, beautiful clothes, and wrapping her in a snug magical healing blanket. And I will ask Spirit to heal her, so she can be freed into the ecstatic Emerald Butterfly I know she is. Because the little girl inside is unreasonable, scared ,hurt and tricky for me to reason with, that this spell will hit it from a more constructive angle.